


It's really dark living in Marcs shadow

by liesorlife



Category: Motorcycling RPF
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-07-29
Updated: 2014-08-30
Packaged: 2018-02-10 20:44:57
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,288
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2039487
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/liesorlife/pseuds/liesorlife
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Alex can't live up to the standards of his perfect older brother, but he is determined to try. Even if it kills him</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's really Dark Living in Marcs Shadow

Why does Marc have to be so damned perfect all the time? Alex thinks to himself. He is so popular, everyone loves him more, even mum and dad love him more. It is late at night and he can’t sleep. He knows that he will never live up to Marc even if he races until hes 100. Marc has little, sometimes not so subtle ways of letting him know, but only when they’re alone, his favourite song being:  
Alex is a loser  
He wears a losers hat  
He’ll never get a real ride  
Because hes a stupid prat  
He’ll race down the left side  
He’ll race down the right  
And he’ll never win a race  
If he rode all through the night!!

He laughs when he is finished to let Alex know he is only joking, only Alex, full of self doubt, doesn’t believe him. There’s only so many times he can hear Marc telling him hes not good enough before he starts to believe it. He is too tall for racing, not light and wiry like Marc is, and he can’t get the straight line speed Marc gets. He is determined to prove them all wrong though, and he is going to start by getting his weight under control, he’s not going to be the butt of Marc Marquez’ jokes anymore. Resolve set, with a new goal he is determined to succeed, and he finally falls asleep.

The following morning Alex oversleeps and is late for school, again. “I am sick of your couldn’t care less attitude, Alex. We do our best to provide for you, everything you could want or need, we let you race every weekend. Why can’t you be more like Marc?” His dad is giving him the same lecture he has heard hundreds of times before as he drives him to school. He wants to say “how about love, when are you going to give me that?” but he doesn’t, instead he loses his cool and starts shouting; “Marc, Marc, Marc… it is all you ever talk about! I am sick of it, and I am sick of you. I am not Marc, I will never be him, I don’t even want to be him!”. He turns his head towards the window so his dad can’t see the tears in his eyes, because, for ever since he can remember all he has ever wanted, was to be like Marc. “I will not have you talk to me like that Alex, Marc is a wonderful person, and it about time you begun to appreciate everything you have, so you’re grounded until further notice, apart from school, and racing, as that’s paid for, you don’t leave your room. Now get out.”

Somehow he gets through the day, survives his hour long detention for being late for the fifth time in a month, without eating. He is really pleased with how he can control the urges to eat. All he has to do is picture himself, fat and bloated, unable to keep up with the other riders at the weekend, and the hunger pains are gone.  
He gets home to find a note waiting for him:

Alex, you father told me what you said this morning and I agree with him, it is about time you were disciplined for your recent attitude, you’ll go straight to your room when you read this note, and if I get home and find you anywhere else you will just make things worse for yourself. Mum.

He heads towards his room, happy to be home alone, so he can begin his new exercise regime in peace. He starts with sit ups, aiming for a hundred, and failing, he just can’t do it. Feeling like a complete failure, knowing Marc could do it, Marc tells him all the time he can, just makes him more determined to lose the excess weight.  
Marc gets home first, he barges into Alex’ room, without knocking, knowing how much Alex hates it. “What did you do this time? I can’t believe they actually grounded you, it’s so funny.” “Get out,” he throws a pillow at him, which just makes Marc laugh again. “ooh, a little sensitive aren’t we lanky”. Alex tries to keep his voice steady, despite the feeling that he is going to cry. “Leave me alone”, but it doesn’t work, and it is obvious that he is upset. “Are you crying? Man up Alex, you’re not a baby anymore. I have no idea how mum and dad even put up with you, you’re useless, moody and bratty. Why can’t you be more like me, I am so brilliant. I never cause any trouble for them, so I can be a bit too aggressive on track, but at least I win things. You’re the sponsors charity case, and that, my little (well not so little) brother is the role you will play in my life forever. But you never know one day if you are really good, and learn to keep your temper, I might let you run my fan club, or maybe run me a bath, that’s more your level, my servant”.

He waits until Marc has left before he really starts to cry, and he can’t stop, because he knows it is true. All he is will ever be is the younger brother of Marc Marquez, who is he trying to kid when he thinks otherwise, that he is his own person. That isn’t what anyone wants, they want another Marc.

He is doing his maths homework when he dad brings up his supper, it’s pizza, Alex loves pizza, with extra cheese and pepperoni, but he is determined not to eat any. “Your mother, brother and I are going out. We have tickets to the Barcelona game tonight, we gave yours to Tito Rabat, and to make sure you behave and don’t violate your punishment I have hired Aleix Espargaro to babysit, and you will be paying his wages out of your allowance.”

Aleix doesn’t bother checking on him, he could have snuck out the window, climbed down the drainpipe and gone out, and Aleix would not even notice. He knows he is there, that it isn’t a bluff by his dad to make sure he stays in his room, because he can hear Aleix on the phone, running up a huge bill. Which I will probably be blamed for and forced to pay it, he thinks bitterly, imagining the conversation. “Well if you hadn’t got yourself grounded, we would have never have had to ask Aleix to give up his night to babysit” he can hear his dad saying. All it does is strengthen his resolve to change, if they wanted someone like Marc, that is what he was going to give them.

Weeks pass, Alex gets into a routine where he is weighing himself 5 times a day, and finding little ways to punish himself if he hasn’t lost any weight. He is getting there, slowly, and he is managing to convince the outside world that he is changing, that he is going to behave and become the son his parents wanted. His dad is pleased with Alex’ attitude adjustments, agrees to lift some of the terms of his grounding, and instead puts him on probation. Telling him that he is going to be keeping a very close eye on him. His exercise regime is going well, and being kept hidden from everyone, including nosy Marc, which really pleases him, and gives him the motivation to keep going.

Keeping his diet secret from his mum and dad is not as hard as he thought it would be, he tells them he has joined an after school club where they all go for a snack afterwards, they buy it without questioning him. They are pleased that he is getting out and socialising, they even give him money to buy the food. There are times when the thinks the reason that they don’t seem to mind, is that they don’t really care, and that if it was Marc they would want to know everything about the club, the people involved, what they were eating. But it is providing him with the ideal cover and he uses the money to help pay for his sessions at the gym.  
He loves being able to look at himself in the mirror and see all his ribs, he knows he isn’t Marcs fat, ugly brother anymore. Finally he thinks to himself, I am getting the body I deserve. He doesn’t realise Marc is standing behind him. “Bloody hell Alex, when did you get so skinny? Seriously you weirdo, you look ridiculous”. He is laughing as he starts singing at him

Alex where are you going?  
Upstairs to take a bath  
Alex with legs like toothpicks  
And a neck like a giraffe  
Alex got in the bath tub  
Alex pulled out the plug  
Oh my goodness, bless my soul  
There goes Alex down the hole!!  
glub, glub, glub..

He can feel the anger rise in him, and before he can control it, he punches Marc in the face. Alex doesn’t stop to look, he grabs his t-shirt, and is pulling it on when he runs out the door, he keeps on running. Down the street, round the corner, across the road. He can hear the car horns blaring at him, as he is almost run over, but he doesn’t stop. Tears are streaming down his face, as he reaches the park. Hiding behind the trees in the corner, he stops, hoping no one can see him. He feels like a total failure, he can’t even go on a diet and lose a bit of weight properly. Hiding himself as much as he can under a bush, he cries himself to sleep.

It is dark when he wakes up, looking at his watch he realises it is almost 1 in the morning, good he thinks, maybe everyone will be asleep when I get back. There is a police car parked outside and all the lights are on. He panics, and the only thing he can think is that they are there to arrest him for hitting Marc, it never occurs to him that his parents, and even Marc are worried sick that he is missing. He takes a deep breath, steeling himself to enter the house.

“Alex?”, his mum says noticing him, she wraps her arms around him and hugs him so tightly he can hardly breathe. The Police have a word with his dad and leave, leaving Alex to face his parents alone. “Sit”, his dad growls at him, “I don’t want to hear any excuses, there are no excuses for what you did to your brother, look at him!” Marc is sitting on the floor near the window, his eyes are black and there is a plaster over his broken nose. “Running away like that was cowardly and you wasting Police time, I should have pressed charges for the assault, maybe getting sent to jail will finally sort you out. Your racing career is officially over at the end of the season, I want you to get a job to help pay for your keep. Until then you will do all the cooking and cleaning, you don’t do it, you don’t eat, understand?” He just nods, “good, now go to bed”.

He lies awake for hours, he is hungry, but determined not to give in, he will be perfect, even if Marc doesn’t approve. Marc sneaks into the room after their parents have gone to bed, “Alex, you awake?”. He ignores him. “I am sorry Alex, I know this is not what you want to hear, but you got what you deserved. You shouldn’t have hit me. I am the one that is going to be a star, you just a stupid, overgrown kid who needs to find a new path in life, because you will never ever live up to me. So just give it up. It’s for your own good.” Marc thinks he is helping, but he isn’t, all he is doing is making him more determined to be as perfect as possible. The only way he knows how, to exercise until he almost passes out, and to starve himself to the point where he feels so weak he can barely keep his eyes open.

It is Alex’ final race a couple of months later. The last few months have been really stressful, and he is fainting more and more often with hunger. Neither his parents nor his brother have noticed that there is something so wrong with him, but it doesn’t bother him anymore, he gets up, he goes to school, he does his homework, his chores and then goes to bed. He rarely speaks to anyone anymore, and all his friends have drifted away. The only thing that brings him any comfort is obsessively weighing himself and finding those last pounds falling off him.

He qualifies second for his last race, behind Alex Rins. Marc is there waiting for him when he gets off the bike. “Second, so even after all this effort you can’t win to save your life, pathetic lanky, really pathetic”. It doesn’t occur to Marc that Alex is too weak too race, and that if he hadn’t have bullied him so cruelly he wouldn’t have developed the eating disorder, or hit Marc.

Race day arrives, Alex is forced to tell the sponsors that he is retiring to focus on his school work, that he doesn’t want to race anymore. He gets a brilliant start and takes the lead, and keeps it for most of the race. But he is getting weaker and weaker as the laps count down, and Alex Rins is closing in on him when he falls. It is a bad fall, and he lands head first on the tarmac, right in front of Rins, who with no chance of avoiding him, runs him over. The race is instantly stopped so the ambulance can get to him, he is still alive, but he’s barely breathing as they take him to the hospital.

His parents and Marc follow the ambulance, Marc is crying, he can’t believe this has happened. All he can think of his how absolutely horrible he has been to him. If there was any real justice in this world, it would be me in there, Marc thinks as they walk into the hospital.

Marc hates himself for what he has done to Alex, but how can he make things right again?


	2. Please Keep Fighting Alex, I love you.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marc takes responsibility for bullying his brother.

It has been 24 hours since the crash, the longest 24 hours in Marc Marquez’ life. Alex survived the emergency surgery and is in a coma, both his legs are broken, from where Rins’ bike struck him, and he has a serious neck injury. The doctors don’t know how much permanent damage has been done, and won’t know until he regains consciousness.

He is sitting in the office with his parents waiting for Alex’ doctor to arrive for a meeting. He is dreading it being bad news, so much so he has no nails left, his parents hate him chewing his nails, but they’re so worried about Alex, that they let it go for once. He is expecting it to be bad news, why else would he be allowed in the meeting. So far all the information he has been given has been given by his mum and dad, he hasn’t been allowed to see Alex at all. Finally the doctor arrives, he greets Marc’s parents, but he looks grim.

“Alex made it through the night, but he is far from out of danger. Physically he is very weak, in fact he is dangerously underweight. I believe he is suffering from a serious eating disorder. Please if you have any information that you think will help us understand how Alex became so ill, you have to let me know. The more information we have, the easier it will be to find a successful way to treat him.” His parents look horrified, how can Alex have kept this secret for so long? They assure the doctor that they had no idea, they just thought he was being a typical teenager, moody and surly. “Marc?” The doctor notices that he looks more scared than shocked, almost like he is hiding something. His parents turn to look at him.

He sighs deeply, “I knew”. His mum is crying as he continues. “I have known for months. That day he hit me, I saw him in the bathroom, and I taunted him, told him he looked ridiculous, said he shouldn’t ever get in the bath because he would fall down the plug hole.” His voice breaks as he finishes his story, and he bursts into tears. His mum slaps him; hard. “You evil little cockroach, what else have you been doing to him? Why didn’t you say something? You made us believe that he hit you for no reason, that he was just a spoilt brat who needed to grow up. If Alex dies Marc, I can assure you I will never forgive you.” With that she gets up and leaves the room, his dad following her, leaving Marc in the office with the doctor crying his heart out.

The doctor hands him a box of tissues, “Marc I am not here to judge you, but you have to tell me everything you know about Alex’ problems, take your time, I’m not in any hurry, but it will really help us treat your brothers illness.” He is elaborating slightly, but he knows Marc needs to talk to someone that won’t get angry. He pours his heart out for over half an hour, telling the doctor everything, once he starts he can’t stop. He tells him how he used to taunt and tease Alex for being overweight, even though he wasn’t, how he bullied him until he couldn’t take it anymore and he snapped. “Can I ask why? He is your brother, surely nothing he could have done could make you resent him this much?” He sips at his water as he thinks about how to answer the question.

“Because he was so perfect. He was everything I wanted to be; funnier, cleverer, taller, everything.” The doctor sighs, he hates situations like this, jealousy has torn apart so many lives. He gives Marc a hug, and tells him that Alex is going to need him to let go of the jealousy and be there for him, because the next few months are going to be really, really tough.

“Marc, I am going to recommend you start seeing a counsellor, there is a lot of anger inside of you that is tearing you apart, there is a programme at the hospital and I am going to get you an appointment. I am not going to give up on you yet, I think you have the ability to become a very special person, but you need help.”  
There is nothing else to say though, and it is time he faced his parents. Now he fully appreciates what it must have felt like for Alex walking through the door the night he punched him in the face, and there is a sickening feeling in his stomach as he slowly walks towards the intensive care ward where Alex is. He can see his mum in the room, holding Alex’ hand, she is talking to him, he can see her lips move. He hopes Alex can hear her, and that she is giving him the courage to keep fighting.

I can’t do this, he thinks, I have to get out of here. But his dad arrives before he has chance to run away. There isn’t any anger in his dads face, just disappointment, which makes him feel even worse. “Why Marc? Why didn’t you say something, if not to us, to anyone? He is 14 years old, you are older than him, you should have known better. You are supposed to be setting an example. When he was little, he was always trying to copy what you did. His first word was was “mama” and it didn’t mean mum, it meant Marc. You were his hero, his idol. He loved you so much.” He can’t answer him, he just starts crying again. His dad wraps his arms around him and he sobs on his shoulder.

“Marc?” he turns round to find his mum standing there, “come here sweetheart”. She too wraps her arms around him. “It’s going to be okay Marc, I know you didn’t mean for this to happen, we will get through this, together, as a family.” “Can I see him?” “Yes, but only for a few minutes, he needs to rest.”

Hooked up too all sorts of machines, Alex looks even younger than 14. There’s something peaceful about the room, the steady beeping of the heart monitor is strangely relaxing for him as he sits down. He takes Alex’ hand and squeezes it gently, so if Alex can feel it, he knows that he is there. “Alex, it’s Marc. I’m so sorry, I caused this, but mum and dad know everything now. What I did to you and that I knew you were starving yourself. I should have said something, I should have helped you. I’m not asking you to forgive me, not yet, I haven’t earned it. But trust me Alex, I am going too, even if it takes the rest of my life I am not giving up. You have to keep fighting though Alex, I love you.”

It shocks him when Alex starts to squeeze his fingers. “Alex?” Alex is trying to open his eyes, “come on Alex, you can do this, please Alex.” Alex lets out a low moan, his eyes are open now. “M-m-m-arc?” He gestures to his mum and dad who come rushing in, “Marc, go and fetch a doctor”.  
He goes running down the corridor, almost knocking over several nurses, but doesn’t stop to apologise. He knocks on the door and is told he can come in, “Doc, Alex is awake.” His smile could easily light up the room, he is that happy.

Over the next 48 hours the doctors run a series of neurological and physical tests on Alex to determine how much permanent damage has been done, while keeping him lightly sedated to help him rest. They are delighted to confirm that he will make a full recovery, and the doctors know that now he has the support of his parents and brother he can beat the anorexia too.

For the first time in years Alex is actually happy, he has his brother back, the one he used to look up too and idolise. He knows he faces more surgery on his broken left leg, and months of physiotherapy, but he can get through it, he will keep fighting and never give up on himself ever again. It helps that Marc keeps sneaking him in pizza and ice cream once he is out of intensive care and set up in his own room. The hospital let him put up some posters and family pictures, to make it more comfortable for him seeing as he will be there for a while. Alex has a therapist helping him learn to deal with everything he has been through, and he starts to put weight back on. He is told that he might not ever recover from the anorexia, that it will always be in the back of his mind, but he will just have to learn to live with it.

Alex celebrates his brothers 18th birthday in hospital. He had been planning this night for years, going out with his mates and getting so drunk he would probably end up getting arrested, but the accident changed all that. He ends up spending it in Alex’ room with their parents, pizza and a DVD, and he couldn’t be happier. Coming so close to losing Alex changed his life forever, it bought their family closer together, and he loves it, they share everything, all four of them.

There is one small detail both him and Alex have discussed but not mentioned to them, Alex wants to race again. “Mum, dad I have something I want to ask you”, Alex says after the movie is over. “You want to race again, don’t you?” his dad knows, it’s in his blood, and he can’t ignore it forever. Alex nods; “I have too, I need to get back on a bike. Before It’s too late and I end up too frightened to try again”. “It’s okay Alex, but no pressure, you get back on when you feel 100 percent ready, there is no need to rush this.”

Eventually it is time to try again, he is fully fit, and out of hospital. He is still seeing his therapist, who is extremely happy with his progress. Marc is right there beside him, cheering. It is a private test, just Alex and his family. He climbs on and starts the engine, and straight away he feels at home, like the last year hasn’t happened, he can do this, he knows he can.

And he really can, just two years later he makes his Grand Prix debut in Jerez and finishes 12th. Scoring points in his first world championship race is an incredible feeling, but even better is the massive hug Marc gives him when he gets off the bike. “I told you you could do it, and it will only get better from here. The Marquez brothers are going to rule the whole world one day, as equals, not rivals. I love you Alex, please whatever you do, never stop fighting.”


End file.
